no pants revolution

no pants revolution 01/17/2012

"Every revolution should start
with someone stepping out of their pants."
~Me

Roo hates pants. I hate pants. Really, I think most of America now hates pants. Just admit it--you're reading this right now pantless, or at the very least in one of the many now socially acceptable pants alternatives, such of what a friend of mine calls "housepants." (Just in case you are wondering, Pajama Jeans TM and Forever Lazy TM garments are still considered fringe and outside what we would call "passing" for mainstream pants--and, ew, please don't go there). You and I, we would never choose to imprison ourselves in what some would refer to as grown-up style "slacks," unless absolutely necessary.* If you are indeed wearing slacks right now, you don't want to be and that's okay. This is a safe place.

If you've read much of my blog or any of my twitter (or visited my house at all during the months we refer to as "nekkid summer", you already know I celebrate what I call the "pantsfreedom movement." My heroes are the particpants in the annual NYC Improv Everywhere No Pants Subway Ride. They drop trou in January, in public, in the most crowded city in America. This year the no-pants revolutionaries went international. They humble me.

If you think pants aversion is just a crazy shut-in type thing, or restricted to the old, lazy and or mentally/physically deficient, I say no sir. In fact, some say pants aversion is behind some of the biggest economic and social movements in our time, including the decline of the movie theatre and success of fast food. Just a few weeks ago I watched an adorable tween girl being interviewed about why she felt youngsters now seem to prefer Netflix and other online film services to in-theatre movies. Her response was, "because then we don't have to get all dressed," which of course means "Because then we don't have to put on pants." Duh, it's the way of the world. Keep up!

One final note. There may those among you who still love your pants, God bless you. You cling to them like security blankets, and probably still reminisce fondly about your favorite pants of the past: Zubas, acid washed jeans, genie pants, parachute pants, Levi's Bendover Slacks TM. You're entitled to hang on to your dream, and your pants. You probably love belts and suspenders too. There is, for example, Toe (also genetically my child), who loves wearing pants--he would wear a straightjacket if it kept him even a little bit warmer than his natural temperature of Frigid Icy Foot Fahrenheit (or, FIFF as we call it)--and let's face it, pants are just tubular straightjackets for legs. He also enjoys the picture quality of VHS tapes and typing letters on a 1950 Smith Corona. I'm just saying.

*The author admits there are instances where pants or "slacks" are still 100% socially required (in the absence of a tasteful skirt or ethnic wardrobe requirement: these would include job interviews for jobs you actually hope to get, meetings with school professionals that do not take place in the presence of large inflatable jump structures or the presences of pooping farm animals, doctors appointments for which you do not arrive on a stretcher or in labor, funerals for individuals who were not publicly pantsfreedom activists (feel free to wear housepants to my funeral BTW), or audiences with the Pope or the POTUS/VPOTUS ( I get the feeling Michelle Obama is strenuously anti-pants in her private life, so there may be some wiggle room with the FLOTUS).