trashy Saturday

trashy Saturday 01/21/2012

sleeper story of the week: Roo loves machetes and other "knifey things"

Remember in episode 13 of West Wing when Friday was known as "take out the trash day?" That's when broadcasters and journalists ram all the stories that are otherwise too boring (or sometimes too unflattering to the Administration) into the news, because on Fridays and Saturdays everyone is pigging out at the pizza parlor, zoning on Netflix movies in their housepants, or self-medicating to decompress from their hellish week (and therefore not really watching). No? Well if you are too young or too Republican (or too normal) to have not been so in love with West Wing and memorized practically everything everyone in it ever said and did, you maybe won't enjoy my blog.

Anyhoo, I've got a few stinky Hefty bags built up from this week, so let's just dig in. Dumpster diving can be fun!

1. The Big Drip
I am currently on #7 of 8 weeks of IV infusions to treat the bloodlessness of my blood: side effects include mysterious rashes (each morning I have to ask myself, "Which shirt goes best with these hives?"); chronic skull-splitting headache, rusty joint syndrome, pants intolerance, dragass, merciless bloat, and sobbing at the sight of rootbeer.

on my pole: intravenous benadryl, vodka and...rootbeer?

2. Blind Old Skeeter Update
Remember how we had the blues? Well, come February 6, we're going to be singing a new tune called "Old One-Eyed Skeeter." Our aging Rat Terrier is not responding to the opthamological treatments for his bulging eyclopse, and so must have his advanced glaucoma treated with eye removal. He is otherwise completely healthy and happy, so though he will look like a tiny pirate afterwards, he should move on fine in life juist like the rest of us mutants.

3. Roo Boo Hoo
Roo has been out of sorts lately, not himself, unable to sleep, mumbling nonsense, agitated, restless. After reading a book about the natural and manmade wonders of the world he wouldn't pipe down about taking a "trip to the Dodge Mahal," and when we said it wasn't in the budget to see India this year (or possibly Los Angeles??), he tantrumed on and off in his room for the next 13.5 hours. He is also not sweating, so has to be evaluated for nerve dysfunction or even the absence of sweat glands. Obiously, more on Roo later...his medical visit calendar is more full than mine.

4. The Doctor Challenge
Toe and Roo were participants in the training of new autism specialists at the University of Minnesota, a program headed up by our favorite and fabulous Dr. Little Bird (not her real name). The boys were given the ADOS test, bit by bit, by a whole roomful of interns, whose pants were charmed completely off by both of them. Toe's responses ran the gamut from "Once my Mommy said the F word" to "Pepperoni and green olive is the only pizza I truly adore" and anything you can imagine in between. He also was very bossy, dictating exactly how he wanted the doctors in what he called "the doctor challenge" to proceed, and showed clear favoritism toward female candidates who either wore hot pink or were brunette (that little cad). Reuben practically lost his mind with glee when asked to participate in a pretend birthday party, and then proceeded to turn the whole event into one big long scene from the Mad Hatter. And for that they rewarded us in Target generous Target gift cards (the true booty of the autism stage mom).

There's more, but you get the general stink of our week!