Wisconsin replicates the Chinese New Year lantern tradition with huge glowing corporate orbs
I know, I know. I haven't been a reliable blogger lately. Full disclosure: I have been referring to 2012 as "The Year of the Draggin' Ass." Yes, that's technically a swear,* which I generally avoid using, but I think 2012 deserves it. January has burned me with dog eyeball removal, arm neuropathy that makes me feel like I am swinging two flaming pythons from my shoulders, cheeselesness, a 5 year old who uses the phrase "this is how I projectile vomit" accurately in a sentence. So far, 2012 has left me in a slump. Feel my wrath, 2012, you strike me more as the butt of a donkey.
Speaking of donkey butts: more about me. I was born in the Year of the Cock (not a swear), a Chinese zodiacal sign which claims I am "blunt in the offering of opinions." It also says my best career choices are "the armed forces, banker, insurance agent or CPA" (cue the snorting), so I'm not sure how reliable that all is. At any rate, 2012, watch out for my opinionated, in-your-face rooster ass! I tell it like I see it. Chinese New Year, you make me want to say, "Wǒ de qìdiànchuán chōngmǎn le shànyú!" Yes, "My hovercraft is full of eels."
Still, I have 2 beautiful human children to mother--one of them a rabid dragonophile--and must carry on. Thus we have "enjoyed" a fair amount of Chinese New Year revelry in the past weeks. Hudson, Wisconsin's "Hot Air Affair" and Year of the Dragon Festival was one. Picture a nightime field of fire and a ice, lit with the magestic "moon glow" of hot air ballons, the air rife with the mouth-watering scent of such traditional Chinese delicacies as deep-fried cheese curds, scalding hot cocoa, jumbo pretzels, cinnamon-sugar Indian fry bread and steamy beer brats. Qǐng màn yòng!
Better yet, picture this:
ballon pilots who feel the night is too windy to inflate their crafts blow giant torches into the crowd instead as a "safe alternative"
when Toe asks (with alarm), "Why are all these firemen here...is it dangerous?" we say, "Naw, they just really really love to see crowds of people playing with giant torches."
Toe, toasty warm, filled to the gills with "Chinese hot chocolate," and blissfully ignorant (like most of Wisconsin)
Roo, high atop Hub in the "safety seat," is no man's fool and keeps his eye on the ball (of fire)
*Note to potential (*rolls eyes*) publishers: when you make my blog into a book, I promise to clean up the language. However, elaborate lies and broken promises shall remain protected strictly under the "poetic license" clause.